So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
