All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
