Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
