it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
