My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
