Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
