So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
