You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
