she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
