I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
