Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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