I am in a vortex of obligation.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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