does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
