so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
