people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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