I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
