I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
