honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
