My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
pray to the hookup gods
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
