If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
