Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
