SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
