I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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