sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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