It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
