I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
