well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
