Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
A bitchslap is in order.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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