At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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