I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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