Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
