I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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