I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
