Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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