There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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