hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the condom got lost in my hair
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
