You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
