they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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