hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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