We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
