idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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