When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
