the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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