Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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