Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
