franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
