you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
