like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The struggles of a small town man whore
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
