Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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