i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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