Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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