well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
