Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
