so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
