So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
