i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
whose ass print is on the piano?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize