totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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