Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
if only i could text you this smell
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
