What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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