I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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