I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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