Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just cropdusted the office
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
