I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
