I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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