loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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