I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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