I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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