community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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