you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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