i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
