After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
