upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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