I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
