All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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