I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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