just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
