I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
