this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
