4 words: hood of his car
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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