I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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