I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just made out with a guy for $7.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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