Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
