This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
