Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
