Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
