i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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